I am a Yahoogle addict

The following takes place at a fictitious Yahooglers Anonymous meeting in Boise:

ME: Hi, my name is Patrick and I am a Yahoogle addict.

CROWD: Hi, Patrick!

ME: I’ve been sober for about two minutes.  I checked my feeds right before I got up here to speak and I’ll do it again soon as I sit down.

SOME GUY: I hear you, man.

ME: Anyway I just can’t seem to shake this addiction (and believe me, I’ve tried).  I even tried seeing other companies.  Yeah, I really did.  Flickr, YouTube, del.icio.us, Feedburner… You know what happened?

SOME OTHER GUY: Preach it, brother!

ME: Yeah, they got bought by Yahoogle!  The whole lot of ‘em.  I don’t even want to tell you which companies I’m seeing now because Yahoogle will find out and buy them too…

FIRST GUY: If they haven’t already!

ME: My life would be easier if I could just pick one: Yahoo or Google.  But I can’t…

CROWD: That’s why we’re all here!

ME: On the Google side, I got Gmail, Gtalk, Google Maps, Google Earth, Google Analytics, Google Webmaster Central, Google Calendar, Google Docs & Spreadsheets, Google News Alerts, YouTube, and my new mistress… Google Reader.

SOME GUY: She’s a cruel harpie, that one!

ME: And on the Yahoo side, it’s Yahoo Mail, Yahoo Finance, Yahoo Groups, Yahoo Messenger, Yahoo Sports, Flickr, and del.icio.us.

SOME OTHER GUY: You’re in deep, buddy.

ME: Yeah, you’re telling me.  I wish they would just merge and get it over with.

(A shadowy figure emerges from the side of the stage.)

SHADOW MAN: There is another way, my son.

ME: Who are you?  You’re not my dad.

SHADOW MAN: Search, maps, news, e-mail, chat, video, and more.  We’ll even throw in X-Box Live free for 12 months…

ME: Hey, you look familiar.  Do I know you?

SHADOW MAN: Umm, doubt it.  Did I mention we also have a great platform for developers?

(A large, sweaty bald man appears in the back of the room and starts marching forward pumping his fists in the air.)

SWEATY GUY: Developers, developers, developers, developers!!!

(The room descends into chaos.  Another great meeting.  See you next week?)

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June 3, 2007 | Filed Under Internet 

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